Untangling My Emotions – - Lord, I am here!

Another great advantage of SonRise Church and being a member is that we are not only provided with many ministries, but also incredible resources to help us grow in our faith. One of those resources is RightNow Media, and honestly, the possibilities there are endless for anyone and everyone. (if you don’t have access, the book is also a great resource!)

This week, I decided to start Jennie Allen’s Untangle Your Emotions Bible study, and wow… it was both amazing and eye-opening.

One thing she talks about is how so much of what we struggle with emotionally as adults is often rooted in our childhood experiences. That really made me stop and think about my own life.

As a child, I honestly don’t remember throwing tantrums, showing emotions, or even crying much. It was instilled in us at a young age to just “suck it up, buttercup.” Showing emotions — anger, sadness, fear — almost felt wrong. Weak, even. My sister and I were taught to just roll with the punches… the good, the bad, the pretty, and even the ugly.

Being the daughter of an alcoholic until I was an older teenager came with challenges that forced me to grow up quickly. It taught me how to expect abandonment. How to stay guarded. How to always be prepared for what might happen next.

And honestly? I still live that way sometimes today.

Even now, abandonment is probably my biggest fear. I find myself living with the expectation that people will eventually leave, disappoint, or pull away… because that has simply been my experience through different seasons of life. From my parents, to struggles with my children, and even within my marriage, those wounds have shaped the way I think and respond emotionally. I’m realizing how much of my life has been spent bracing myself for the next hurt before it even happens.

For most of my life, I had to figure out my emotions on my own because we simply didn’t talk about them. It really wasn’t until the past few years, when I started seeing a counselor, that I began to truly understand the impact of growing up as an alcoholic’s child. I started learning about the roles children often take on in those environments and how I naturally stepped into extra responsibilities to fill the void. I learned how much of my need for control, fixing, and staying prepared came from survival mode as a child.

I also realized through this study that I have spent most of my life being a fixer instead of a feeler. If something hurts, I try to fix it. If someone else is struggling, I jump into action mode. Staying busy and staying in control has always felt safer than actually sitting with my emotions. But I’m learning that God didn’t create us to ignore what we feel — He created us to bring those feelings to Him.

What Jennie Allen teaches, though, is something so simple yet so powerful: acknowledge your emotions.

She points directly to Scripture and reminds us that even Jesus showed emotion.
He showed anger.
He showed joy.
He showed sadness.
He showed fear.

That realization hit me deeply.

For most of my life, I learned to:

Cope
Conceal
Control

But this study is teaching me something different. It’s teaching me to pause and acknowledge what I’m feeling instead of stuffing it down. To sit in the emotion for a minute. To bring it to God instead of burying it.

One thing I also appreciate about Jennie Allen is that she doesn’t pretend a Bible study alone fixes everything. She openly talks about how sometimes healing and growth may also require counseling, therapy, medicine, or additional support — and there is absolutely no shame in that. God can work through people, resources, and professionals just as much as He works through prayer and Scripture.

Because the truth is, it’s okay to have emotions. It’s okay to show them. The important part is deciding what we do with them.

That’s where prayer comes in for me. Always asking for God’s direction before reacting, speaking, or making decisions from a place of hurt.

This study has challenged me in ways I didn’t expect, and I’m so thankful for it.

Have you ever struggled with expressing emotions because of the way you were raised? Or have you ever realized that God never intended for us to ignore our feelings, but instead bring them to Him?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.